The Sky Is Everywhere Read online

  I try to fend off the oceanic sadness, but I can’t. It’s such a colossal effort not to be haunted by what’s lost, but to be enchanted by what was.

  I miss you, I tell her, I can’t stand that you’re going to miss so much.

  I don’t know how the heart withstands it.

  I kiss the ring, put it back into the cabinet next to the notebook, and close the door with the bird on it. Then I reach into my pack and take out the houseplant. It’s so decrepit, just a few blackened leaves left. I walk over to the edge of the cliff, so I’m right over the falls. I take the plant out of its pot, shake the dirt off the roots, get a good grip, reach my arm back, take one deep breath before I pitch my arm forward, and let go.

  Epilogue

  (Found on the bed, in the forest bedroom)

  (Found again in the bombroom, in the trash can, ripped into pieces by Lennie)

  (Found again on Joe’s desk, taped together, with the word dildonic written over it)

  (Found framed under glass in Joe’s dresser drawer where it still is)

  Acknowledgements

  In loving memory of Barbie Stein, who is everywhere like sky

  I’d like to thank:

  First and foremost, my parents, all four of them, for their boundless love and support: my awesome father and Carol, my huge-hearted mother and Ken. My whole family for their rollicking humor and steadfastness: my brothers Bruce, Bobby, and Andy, my sisters-in-law Patricia and Monica, my niece and nephews Adam, Lena, and Jake, my grandparents, particularly the inimitable Cele.

  Mark Routhier for so much joy, belief, love.

  My amazing friends, my other family, for every day, in every way: Ami Hooker, Anne Rosenthal, Becky MacDonald, Emily Rubin, Jeremy Quittner, Larry Dwyer, Maggie Jones, Sarah Michelson, Julie Regan, Stacy Doris, Maritza Perez, David Booth, Alexander Stadler, Rick Heredia, Patricia Irvine, James Faerron, Lisa Steindler, and James Assatly, who is so missed, also my extended families: the Routhier, Green, and Block clans … and many others, too many to name.

  Patricia Nelson for around the clock laughs and legal expertise, Paul Feuerwerker for glorious eccentricity, revelry, and invaluable insights into the band room, Mark H for sublime musicality, first love.

  The faculty, staff and student body of Vermont College of Fine Arts, particularly my miracle-working mentors: Deborah Wiles, Brent Hartinger, Julie Larios, Tim Wynne-Jones, Margaret Bechard, and visiting faculty Jane Yolen. And my classmates: the Cliff-hangers, especially Jill Santopolo, Carol Lynch Williams, Erik Talkin, and Mari Jorgensen. Also, the San Francisco VCFA crew. And Marianna Baer – angel at the end of my keyboard.

  My other incredible teachers and professors: Regina Wiegand, Bruce Boston, Will Erikson, Archie Ammons, Ken McClane, Phyllis Janowitz, C.D. Wright, among many others.

  To those listed above who spirit in and out of this book – a special thank you.

  Deepest appreciation and gratitude go to:

  My clients at Manus & Associates Literary Agency, as well as my extraordinary colleagues: Stephanie Lee, Dena Fischer, Penny Nelson, Theresa van Eeghen, Janet and Justin Manus, and most especially, Jillian Manus, who doesn’t walk, but dances on water.

  Alisha Niehaus, my remarkable editor, for her ebullience, profundity, insight, kindness, sense of humor, and for making every part of the process a celebration. Everyone at Dial and Penguin Books for Young Readers for astounding me each jubilant step of the way.

  Emily van Beek of Pippin Properties for being the best literary agent on earth! I am forever mesmerized by her joyfulness, brilliance, ferocity and grace. Holly McGhee for her enthusiasm, humor, savvy and soulfulness. Elena Mechlin for her behind-the-scenes magic and cheer. The Pippin Ladies are without peer. And Jason Dravis at Monteiro Rose Dravis Agency for his dazzling know-how.

  In addition, I heartily thank:

  At Walker UK, my wonderful editor, Helen Thomas, for her passion, astuteness, humor and all around delightfulness, who made 6,000 miles feel like none, and publisher Jane Winterbotham for her enthusiasm and vision. Jane and Helen took tremendously good care of this story and I am so grateful. Also, the incredible Katie Everson for her genius and creativity in making the book look more beautiful than in my wildest dreams. And of course, Vera the plant.

  Much gratitude also goes to the amazing Alex Webb at Rights People.

  And finally, an extra heartfelt double-whammy out-of-the-freaking-park thank you to my brother Bobby: True Believer.

  About the Author

  Jandy Nelson lives in San Francisco, where she, much like Lennie, divides her time between her proper tree and running loose through the park. Jandy is a literary agent, a published poet and a perpetual academic with degrees from Brown, Cornell and Vermont College of Fine Arts. She’s a superstitious sort and devout romantic who’s madly in love with California, how it teeters on the edge of a continent. The Sky is Everywhere is her first novel.

  She says, “A secret: the kookiest bits of the story are all true: The Spotted Plant, The Pyramids, The Bad Luck House Purge, and the biggie: a grief-stricken girl who scatters her poems all over town.”

  www.jandynelson.com

  For my mother

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or, if real, are used fictitiously. All statements, activities, stunts, descriptions, information and material of any other kind contained herein are included for entertainment purposes only and should not be relied on for accuracy or replicated as they may result in injury.

  First published in Great Britain 2010 by Walker Books Ltd

  87 Vauxhall Walk, London SE11 5HJ

  Text © 2010 Jandy Nelson

  Cover and design © 2010 Walker Books Ltd

  The right of Jandy Nelson to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in an information retrieval system in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, taping, and recording, without prior written permission from the publisher.

  British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data: a catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

  ISBN 978-1-4063-3333-6 (ePub)

  ISBN 978-1-4063-3325-1 (ePub)

  www.walker.co.uk